THE HILLS HAVE LIPS

Last night MTV ran two episodes of The Hills back-to-back. For the sake of this post, I'll just treat it like one hour-long show. Even though the commercials made it look like the episodes were going to be laden with Heidi and Spencer, they graciously gave us Lauren and Whitney time.

Whitney gave her resignation at Teen Vogue and got a job with fashion PR firm, People's Revolution. Her prickly boss and founder of People's Revolution, Kelly Cutrone, told her she was making a deal with the devil because they basically owned her now (another Devil Wears Prada inspired bit). Whitney was then flown out to New York for Fashion Week where she worked a show for Sass and Bide. In true Whitney style, she proved to her boss that she can work the runway from behind the scenes like any seasoned stylist.

I'm on The Hills because why?

Back in LA, Lauren settled into life after Paris. She and Audrina headed over to Les Deaux where they ran into BORING BRODY. The two had a nasty yelling match over his new girlfriend and he stormed out. Whatever. Why does she choose such snooze-worthy guys to fall for?

Sorry Brody, were you saying something? zzzzzzzz...

At school, Lauren found herself in a computer class with Spencer's sister, Stephanie. SNAP! Both girls eyed each other nervously from behind their desks while simultaneously texting their friends: Can you like believe who's in my class?

Eventually, Stephanie broke the ice and apologized to Lauren for needlessly attacking her last season. It would have been really funny if she said it that way: "Lauren, I'm really sorry for attacking you last season on The Hills." Anyway, Lauren amicably accepted the apology. It only took a few more classes and the girls were hanging out. This had to be TOP SECRET info, however. Spencer and Heidi couldn't know about any of it due to their high maturity levels.

Ugh

The only part of the Heidi/Spencer drama worth watching last night was Heidi's pout-a-pollooza. After Spencer came over to the apartment they had formerly shared and left with all his stuff, Heidi sat at the breakfast bar pouting for what seemed like a full two minutes. She really worked the results of her recent extreme makeover, employing her collagen-doused labials like she was posing for a photo shoot. I think she gave Hunter Tylo some serious competition in the process.

While looking for photos of the episode, I found that Entertainment Weekly also made mention of Heidi's pouting session, so it wasn't just me who found the whole thing a little staged and over-the-top. Did I say a little? Anyway, they do a much better job of observing:

The new look does make those moments in the show when she and Spencer are fighting more believable. Take for instance the scene in which Spencer moved out. ''I'm gonna miss you,'' she said before he gave her a mature thumbs up and retorted, ''Enjoy your space.'' I think her dreary facial expression in this scene really added some emotion.

Heidi contemplates her future Emmy.

Let me say that I used to like Heidi. I remember thinking that Lauren was hard on her about the whole Spencer thing. I used to feel sorry for her. I FELT for her character. Heidi, why all the bad acting all of the sudden? I'm not saying that you were ever going to get any any Emmy nods, but come on! Now your new appearance reflects your new(ish) personality.

On an interesting side note, Whitney Port was recently quoted in New York Magazine as saying: "I don't really know how to justify watching The Hills, to be honest."
I knew I loved this girl for a reason, even though I happen to, ahem, watch The Hills.