Tyyyrrraaaaaa Maaaaiiillll!!!!!!!!!!!

MAKEOVER MADNESS !

It was makeover time on ANTM last night. And it really was madness. The girls walked into their house to find Tyra in their living room wearing a tiara and holding a wand. She asked the girls to start eating pizza that had been ordered and then told them the tale of how she and her mom re-structured her career as a Victoria Secret model because she had too much booty and boobie to be a high-fashion model.

Tyyyyraaaa Maaaiiillll!

Just as Tyra was about to tell Analeigh what her makeover would be, Ms. J. walked in dressed as an hunchback old woman with a cane. He handed Tyra an apple and said, "This apple will make you a Top Model forever" then walked away cackling. Tyra took a maniacal bite of the apple and fell into a deep princess coma.

Nothing Jay Manuel dressed in a Prince Charming outfit couldn't cure. Actually, he went by the name "Prince Couture" and he planted one on Tyra that made all the girls go "awwwww" and me go "what what??" It was a little-long winded, I thought. Exactly why this episode was so incredibly entertaining. The girls didn't get to see what they were going to have done until they wound up at the salon the next day. Some of the more interesting makeovers included:

• Marjorie, who had her hair dyed brown, which warmed her face up and made her look more like Amalie than before.
  

• Elina, who worried about getting someting out of her comfort zone. That's exactly what she got when they wove a very Karen-Elson-like red curly weave into her head. The wow factor was so great I had to rewind to see her after the transformation. She was upset by the transformation and said she didn't recognize herself.

• Samantha, who Tyra said looked like "any girl walking in a mall with plastic earrings on." They cut her hair off and give her the best haircut I've seen on Top Model in a long time. It's actually the haircut I wanted before I played it safe and only had a couple inches chopped off.

• Clark, who went dark, chocolate brown. She said she had brown hair now but she's still blonde on the indside.

• McKey, who had her red hair chopped off and dyed dark brown.

Later, the girls have a challenge at Walmart where they have 30 seconds to pitch Cover Girl TruBlend shade selector for makeup artist, Sutan and Crissy Barker, who also happens to be Nigel Barker's wife. The winner gets to be on the CoverGirl website and a Walmart gift certificate for $1000.

The best moment of the challenge was when Marjorie said, "Thank god for Walgreens." The winnder of the challenge was Hannah who got excited because now she can "Google" herself. Not like she couldn't google herself for being on ANTM?

They had a swimsuit shoot at a big spread in Malibu. The photographer is Russell James and the client is swimsuit designer, Susan Holmes. The two directed the photo shoot and had their "training wheels" removed, according to Jay Manuel. Hannah was asked to control her "psycho eyes" and Brittany was worried that she was too "pretty." In addition, Isis was nervous about moving, most likely due to the difference between her and the other girls and ended up seeming stiff. At judging, Elina "won" the photoshoot and Brittany was sent packing for being too vacant and "pretty." Go figure.

Tyyyrrraaaaaa Maaaaiiillll!!!!!!!!!!!

ANTM IS BACK!

The whole theme of the first hour of the two-hour premier of ANTM (back in LA) was Area 51/ Space Age/Aliens. The hopeful models were driven to a "top secret" airplane hanger-type building where they were met with the Js, dressed in silver space outfits. They referred to themselves as "Alpha J" and "Beta J." When they let the girls into the building, they (the girls - not the Js) appropriately screamed like a gaggle of geese on steroids.

Tyra: Because it's all about meeeeeeee.

Then they were directed toward a thing that looked like "The Orgasmatron" from Sleeper. It started to shake and out busted "Tyrabot." She talked in a robotic voice through lips slicked with silver lipgloss. Okay, I know she's totally full of herself, but her hair is slamming this season. Love the cut!

This cycle there are three Britneys. Brittnay #1 is a beautiful mix of races. She looks Indian, African American, and Middle Eastern. Martial-arts-loving Britney #2 renamed herself McKey. She's gorgeous, but needs something done with her red wig-like hair. Then there's Brittney #3 who renamed herself Sharaun. She walked around telling everyone, "I AM America's Next Top Model you just don't know it yet."

Sharaun

Marjorie from Marsailles is a cute blonde with the pixie haircut who reminds me so much of Amalie (the movie character) that it's hard for me to separate the two. Tyra tried to show off her French-speaking skills with her, but wound up looking like a jackass.

Another interesting girl is Isis. She's the transgender gal from Prince George's County (holla!) MD.
She was originally on last cycle's homeless photo shoot and had a face Tyra couldn't forget. Of course there were a bunch of girls who were *gasp* shocked by the news of Isis's true gender, but not Sheena from Harlem who likens herself to Kimora Lee Simmons. She's a likeable half-Japanese, half-Korean girl whose positive attitude is infectious.

Alina is the bi-sexual of the group who's already admitted to having a crush on tall, blonde Clark. Clark is the girl who keeps talking herself up as the biotch of the house. In her words she would "slap that man out of the house" referring to Isis. Yeah, she sounds crush-worthy.

Alina

The second hour of the show followed the girls as they were introduced to their new, posh LA pad repleat with photos of Tyra everywhere. That night when McKey decided to practice her boxing, Clark said, "Oh McKey, you are not right in the head." When Isis decided to go swimming in the new pool, Clark was shocked and badmouthed her to anyone in earshot.

Paulina P. is back as one of the judges as is delectable Nigel Barker. The girls' photoshoot revolved around issues that would affect voting come November. Each girl was to represent one of these issues. When Isis posed as "privacy" in a voting booth, a few of the bitches, headed up by Sharaun, made nasty comments to her through the booth wall. Despite their cattiness, Isis wound up with a great photo.

Isis

Clark, who was to represent "bureaucracy", didn't know what the word meant and ended up looking confused. Marjorie wound up with the judges' favorite picture. She represented immigration and looked very high-fashion and bent at all the right angles. The worst photo? Sheraun, who was thankfully sent packing. But not without breaking down on stage first. Oh, Sheraun. Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.

Marjorie

Overall, this season looks promising. Lots of interesting girls and more of Tyra's ego than ever!!

Tyyyyyyraaa Maaaaiiiillll!!!!!!!

I TURN MY CAMERA ON

On last night's episode of America's Next Top Model, the girls were asked to go behind the camera and take photos of Paulina. Fatima won the challenge for knowing exactly how she wanted Paulina to pose while being very polite at the same time. Whitney came in at a close second for being straightforward and decisive. Anya, on the other hand, was all over the place not sure of what she wanted Paulina to do. Same with Dominique whose photos ended up depicting Paulina wearing various "cactus hats" because she kept shooting her in front of cactai.

Fatima won 50 extra frames on her photo shoot this week, which was "starlet being caught by the paparazzi with mystery man." Despite her challenge win, Fatima needed those extra frames because she had trouble following direction on the shoot. Her best shot did look pretty, but not at all "surprised" by the paps. Anya looked stunning in her shot and a lot like a movie star thus she was called first this week. Whitney did well also and was called second. Again, she was criticized for being a little to "posey" and not using enough of her "va va va voom." Wasn't she cricized last week for using too much of her va va va voom?


It was Fatima and Dominique who ended up in the bottom two this week. Nigel pointed out that due to her deep angles and not being the softest of the bunch Dominique might not be the best candidate to promote Cover Girl makeup. This prompted Miss J. to say, "that's why it's called Cover Girl because it covers up the man in you." So it was Dominique who was sent packing. I must say that despite all her "blah blah blah" this season, she left with poise and dignity.

So that's it. One down, three two go. Put your bets in now: Who will be "on top"?

AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL

Tyrrrraaaaaaa Maiiiiilllllll!!!!!!!
BLAH . . . BLAH. . . BLAH

Last night's episode of ANTM was the mid-season recap show so it was a bunch of blah...blah...blah... They showed highlights and never-before-seen clips and blah..blah...blah. One thing I found interesting is how funny and goofy Marvita was. She played a pink guitar and made up ridiculous songs (much to the annoyance of the girls who were trying to sleep), and loved to walk around the house naked.

She and Amis were the house clowns and performed all kinds of weird skits and laughed a lot. We never got to see this version of Marvita on the show and they made it look as if she were just pissed off all the time. On a similar note, Anya's cute, fun-loving personality was edited out as well.

The show also gave us a glimpse of Kim's "duh" moments in the kitchen and made me once again not sorry that she chose to leave the show. We also got to see bitchy Allison's weird diet of jello mixed with A-1 sauce. Also, Claire went on about her breast milk and how she was going to drink it. Yummmmm.

If you didn't have enough Dominique and her third-person observations, you'll love her quote from last night: "I wanna be like freakin' Mother Theresa but more diva, okay?" Ugh.

Another fun bit of "never-before-seen" footage showed the girls out saucing it up. There was late-night drunk wrestling at the house and a night out at a club appropriately called "Libation". At the club the girls got sauced off their buckets and danced on the table and the leather seats. Later they ended up in the limo where sweet little Stacy Ann surprised them with a bottle of vodka she took from the bar.

That about sums it up. Next week we get to see Lauren almost lose a digit and Fatima get in big trouble for something that might get her kicked off the show. Stay tuned. . .

BONUS: For some interesting Top Model news go here: Nigel Creepy?
Also, Remember the ANTM dolls?

TYYYRRAAAA MAAAIIIILLLLLL!!!!!

DROWNING IN DRAMA

Last night on America's Next Top Model, the girls went on their go-sees. This cycle, instead of going individually, they were divided into two teams that looked like this: Team 1: Stacy-Ann, Dominique, Claire, and Whitney Team 2: Lauren, Anya, Katarzyna, and Fatima

The girls weren't allowed to use cabs and each team was given a SPRINT GPS CELLPHONE to navigate their way around NYC via foot. Nice product placement. They said "SPRINT GPS CELLPHONE" so many times, it was obnoxious. Stacy-Ann even said something like, "I'm so glad I have this SPRINT GPS CELLPHONE or I'd be so lost."

On the go-sees, Whitney was discouraged when Pamela Roland said that she usually doesn't book size 10s for the runway, but then got her mojo back when one of the other designers (I forget who) said that she liked to include all body sizes in her shows and collection.

Meanwhile, Lauren was really coming out of her shell. She went ballistic on Fatima because Fatima was pissed that Lauren had dumped out her coffee. Lauren started screaming and flipping her the bird. They even had to put the little blurred spot over her mouth. This is when my husband looked up from his computer and said, "She's fucking crazy!" Funny, because that's what Lauren said to Dominique last week.

Dave Mustane moonlighted as a model before singing for Megadeth.

Anyway, I thought the whole thing was hilarious. I think she should stop showering and start randomly swigging out of a bottle of Jack Daniels. Unfortunately she went back to awkward during the go-sees and walked hunched over, likening herself to "Lurch."

The girls did a photo shoot inspired by the off-beat Broadway show called Fuerza Bruta. The girls were shot from beneath a sheet of mylar sans makeup, dressed in long, floaty dresses, and flailing in puddles of water. Claire decided to do a belly flop even though Jay warned her not to and wound up hurting her neck. Lauren struggled with the shoot, blowing bubbles out of her nose and looking like a drowned rat.

No more Eastern European tackiness for you, Katarzhyna!

Katarzhyna had her hair cut and looks so good! WOW. Paulina made some tactless comment about Kat losing her "Eastern European tackiness." She's quickly becoming my favorite model in the competition. I just wish I knew her a little better. I guess it's hard to shine with all the big personalities in the house. It would be really funny if she went crazy and shaved off her new hairdo, got her tongue pierced, and started hanging with Lauren.

Consequently, their crappy photo shoots landed Lauren and Claire in the bottom two this week. The judges thought that Claire only had one look. "She's like one note to me," said Tyra to the other judges. "I just feel there's one look -- one face." They all agreed that Lauren needs to get over her awkwardness. "Ultimately, I'm completely losing faith in Lauren," said Nigel. "For me, she's collapsing. She hasn't gotten any better. Her confidence -- if anything -- is weaker."

Love ya, fuckin' bitch!

Who would have thought we would see these girls in the bottom two so soon? In the end, I was sure they were going to pick Claire over Lauren, and began lamenting Lauren's departure. BUT they decided to keep Lauren and Claire was sent packing. I hope Lauren goes bananas next week and starts snorting lines off of the kitchen counter. RAWK!