The Hills Recap

WHEN SHIT HAPPENS IN VEGAS

For whatever reason, a bonus episode of The Hills was on last night and the cast were at the MTV Awards, blah blah blah. In a nutshell, tension between Lauren and My Sweet Audrina was brewing. Apparently at a club, Audrina had been with friends and Lauren showed up, tried to get her attention and say "hi", but then got dissed.


Fast forward -- everyone goes to Vegas to celebrate their friend Ricki's birthday. Audrina is with her man toy, Justin Bobby while Lauren, Brody, Lo, Stephanie, Ricki, and Doug arrive via Doug's jet. Yeah, that's right. His jet. Ugh. It's times like this that make me question why I watch this shit. Times like this and when I have to watch Spencer act like a thunderous prick because Hiedi's sister's moved in until she can find a place of her own.


Anyway, back in Vegas there's major tension at the night club LAX (how appropos) between Audrina and Lauren. No one wants to make a scene at Riki's party so they don't speak at all to each other. Meanwhile thunderous prick #2, Brody, makes Stephanie cry by implying she's a crazy coked-up kook.


Tomorrow, they're all back to sling the shit in LA, Brody and Doug are in jail, and I'll be back in my armchair to watch it all unfold. . .

The Hills

I'M NOT EVEN MENTIONING HEIDI OR DOUCHE BAG, SPENCER

More drama at the Lauren-Lo-Audrina house this week. Lo proved just how immature and icky she is by trying her best to put a barrier between Lauren and Audrina. After Audrina invited them to join her in the recording studio with Alkaline Trio (Arghhh! Alkaline Trio are now on the Hills???), Lauren was clearly excited to go. Lo dragged her feet, however, and as soon as they entered the studio she began texting someone and complaining about how hungry she was. Lauren gave in to her whining and they left about two minutes after arriving. They asked Audrina to join them for sushi, but since Audrina was working, she couldn't leave.


Later Lo and Lauren got a new puppy they named Chloe. When Audrina came home from work to find the two playing with Chloe, she joined in and smiled a lot until Lo made a comment like, "She's so lucky he has two mommies" obviously leaving Audrina out of the equation. Audrina looked so genuinely hurt, I actually spent a couple minutes wondering if the show is really a reality show and not scripted.


Meanwhile Justin Bobby acted like a decent human being and said things to Audrina along the lines of "you shouldn't be uncomfortable in your own house." He also suggested that she look for a new place to live. This got the wheels turning in Audrina's head. It's too bad because Lauren obviously loves Audrina, but Lo is such a little biotch, that she . . .

OH CHRIST. How can I take this show so seriously? Where was the fashion? Where was Whitney? Where was crazy Kelly Cutrone barking out orders and yanking racks of clothing around? Give me back my old, preoccupied-with-fashion Hills!

The Hills

TABLE FOR TOO MANY

No fashion fun on the Hills last night. It was all drama as Lauren, Audrina, Stephanie and Heidi wound up at the same table at a nightclub. Heidi said it was all water under the bridge, but Lauren couldn't let anything go and left in a huff.

Table o' drama

Audrina, who's done with all the drama, ran back to dickhead, Justin Bobby, for the umpteenth time. He was looking all modelesque in a black fedora. Later got props from Lauren for not burping in Audrina's face. Score!

Spencer, ever-the-douche, did his best to torment Heidi who stopped by the apartment looking for Stephanie. During her visit, Heidi was looking rather orange. I think she's been hitting the Mystic Tan a little too frequently lately.

Audrina considers a drama-free existence

At the end of the episode, Lauren, Lo, and Audrina had a very awkward lunch during which Lauren told Audrina that the three of them should get a house together. When Audrina didn't jump at the chance and kind of hemmed and hawed, Lauren and Lo exchanged such obvious "OMG" looks, it made ME uncomfortable. RUN AUDRINA! RUN!!

The Hills

SLOW MO TO FASHION GLOW!

Last night's episode of The Hills reminded me again of how much I love watching Whitney and Lauren work for the fashion industry and how much I detest watching Heidi and Spencer bitch about their boring relationship.

Lauren and Whitney worked a fashion show at L.A. Fashion Week while Amanda Priestly, I mean Kelly Cutrone, barked orders at them. She instructed them to round up anyone "tall with her hair done" to the runway. She said something like "act like a sheep-herding dog." Lauren did such a great job at her temp stint that Kelly offered her a job with People's Republic, saying, "You've gone from slow-mo to fashion glow!" Bye Bye Teen Vogue.


Will LC be able to withstand the talons of Kelly Cutrone? Earlier in the episode, it was obvious that KC was trying to shock someone when she asked a model who stood off camera, "How old are you?" and the girl answered what sounded like "Fifteen" and then Kelly said, "You look great in that lingerie."

As all of this was going on, Audrina was caught in a tug-of-war between Heidi and Lauren and looks like a deer caught in the headlights. From the looks of next week's preview, dickhead Justin Bobby shows up to woo Audrina back. Oh what timing as it's been reported that said dickhead is now a model working for men's label, Orthodox.