The Hills Recap

WHEN LAUREN IS AWAY, THE BIOTCHES WILL PLAY

Last night on The Hills, Lauren is off to Italy for vacation. As she's packing, My Sweet Audrina tells her to pack some heels. Lauren says no, they don't wear heels in Italy - only flats. Is this true??!!

After Lauren leaves, Stephanie comes over to the house to ask Audrina's advice because Lauren's former flame, Doug, has asked her out. Obviously Audrina tells her to talk to Lauren about it. But Stephanie seems ready to jump on the opportunity and on Doug, saying, "Yeah, but how will she find out?"


Lo and Audrina decide to spend some bonding time together and hit a club where Spencer and Heidi happen to be. Heidi decides to go say hi to Audrina and the two start yapping away like there was never an awkward Lauren-riff between them.

Meanwhile, Lo is looking lonely watching them chat it up. During their chat, Audrina mentions to Heidi that Doug asked Stephanie out. Heidi is very upset, acting like she cares about Lauren. Hmmm? She then asks Audrina out for an event she's working the next night.


Next evening, Audrina and Justin Bobby show up at the event and grab a table with Heidi and Spencer. This is when Heidi and Audrina bond and decide to let the past be the past and start hanging out again.

Meanwhile, on their date, Doug and Stephanie run into Brody's mother. Whoops! Cat out of the bag.


When Lauren gets back to LA, Lo and Audrina ask what the guys in Italy were like. She likens Italy to a large construction site with the guys cat-calling every two seconds. She then asks Lo and Audrina what she missed while away. They gave her all the sauce on Stephanie, and Audrina fessed up to hanging with Heidi (SHOCKING!).


What will happen next? Stephani and Doug together on the sly! Stephanie begs forgiveness! Heidi's mother shows up and confronts Heidi about Spencer and how he's ruined her relationship with the rest of the family! Stay tuned to watch what the assholes in the hills will do next. . .

Tyyyyyyraaa Maaaaiiiillll!!!!!!!

I TURN MY CAMERA ON

On last night's episode of America's Next Top Model, the girls were asked to go behind the camera and take photos of Paulina. Fatima won the challenge for knowing exactly how she wanted Paulina to pose while being very polite at the same time. Whitney came in at a close second for being straightforward and decisive. Anya, on the other hand, was all over the place not sure of what she wanted Paulina to do. Same with Dominique whose photos ended up depicting Paulina wearing various "cactus hats" because she kept shooting her in front of cactai.

Fatima won 50 extra frames on her photo shoot this week, which was "starlet being caught by the paparazzi with mystery man." Despite her challenge win, Fatima needed those extra frames because she had trouble following direction on the shoot. Her best shot did look pretty, but not at all "surprised" by the paps. Anya looked stunning in her shot and a lot like a movie star thus she was called first this week. Whitney did well also and was called second. Again, she was criticized for being a little to "posey" and not using enough of her "va va va voom." Wasn't she cricized last week for using too much of her va va va voom?


It was Fatima and Dominique who ended up in the bottom two this week. Nigel pointed out that due to her deep angles and not being the softest of the bunch Dominique might not be the best candidate to promote Cover Girl makeup. This prompted Miss J. to say, "that's why it's called Cover Girl because it covers up the man in you." So it was Dominique who was sent packing. I must say that despite all her "blah blah blah" this season, she left with poise and dignity.

So that's it. One down, three two go. Put your bets in now: Who will be "on top"?

Tyyyyyyyraaaa Maaaaaiiiiilllll!!!!!

MAMA MIA (MEEEEE MEEEEE MEEEEE-AAAAAA)

Tonight the girls of ANTM got a lesson in gladiator fighting and then were photographed in gladiator gear slapping swords with a big he-man. Whitney won the challenge, which earned her 1000 Euro to go shopping in Rome. She had a choice to keep it and use it all on herself or to split it with a friend. She chose to divvy it up with Anya and the two went to the shops together. I have to say I was surprised. I never thought Whitney would share it. She gets points from me for that. And Anya has been making out lately on the challenges, si?

The girls when they went on the road as an opening act for Gwar

During the challenge, Fatima was visibly confused and it showed in her shots. Despite that, she was her usual cocky self and finally relaxed during the final photo shoot which resulted in some amazing photos.

Tyra was the photographer for this week's photo shoot, which was a renaissance-woman-with-a -modern-twist theme. The girls were fitted with multi-colored, geometrically shaped wigs and wildly beautiful outfits. The whole shoot took place in a gorgeous Roman castle with big columns and dark hallways. Tyra called herself "MaMa" and shot her girlies from the stone floor as they posed in a foyer.

Did I mention it's all about meeeeee?


Katarshyna channels Nick Rhodes circa 1980.

Tyra's photographs were amazing, I must say, but when it came time to judging, she took full credit when Nigel said that the shot of Anya looked as if it came out of Italian Vogue. It was as if she didn't think Anya's amazing modeling had anything to do with it.

Anya's lovely photo all thanks to Tyra.

Whitney was criticized in this shoot for having too many curves and looking to "hoochie". During the shoot, Tyra kept telling her to stop sticking her butt and boobs out. For once, I think Whitney was at an unfair disadvantage and earned her "I'm a plus model and it's so much harder for me" complaint.

I'm sure it's a lot easier if you have no ass or tits to work the high-fashion avant-garde look they were shooting. Even if Whitney did scrunch her chest inward as Tyra suggested, I'm quite sure she would still be too busty for the judges. Thus, she wound up in the bottom two this week along with Katarzhyna. But it was Katarzhyna that was sent packing for having to little "oomph." I did think that she looked a bit dead in the eyes in her final photo, but I think she was just a shy girl who wasn't into the whole "I want to be a TV reality star" thing. Of all the girls, I think she's the most stunning and she'll go far in modeling.

"Could you just pretend you're a size 0, Whitney?"

For some interesting ANTM news, check out what happens when friends get together to watch the show and things get wayyy out of hand.