The Hills Recap

WHEN LAUREN IS AWAY, THE BIOTCHES WILL PLAY

Last night on The Hills, Lauren is off to Italy for vacation. As she's packing, My Sweet Audrina tells her to pack some heels. Lauren says no, they don't wear heels in Italy - only flats. Is this true??!!

After Lauren leaves, Stephanie comes over to the house to ask Audrina's advice because Lauren's former flame, Doug, has asked her out. Obviously Audrina tells her to talk to Lauren about it. But Stephanie seems ready to jump on the opportunity and on Doug, saying, "Yeah, but how will she find out?"


Lo and Audrina decide to spend some bonding time together and hit a club where Spencer and Heidi happen to be. Heidi decides to go say hi to Audrina and the two start yapping away like there was never an awkward Lauren-riff between them.

Meanwhile, Lo is looking lonely watching them chat it up. During their chat, Audrina mentions to Heidi that Doug asked Stephanie out. Heidi is very upset, acting like she cares about Lauren. Hmmm? She then asks Audrina out for an event she's working the next night.


Next evening, Audrina and Justin Bobby show up at the event and grab a table with Heidi and Spencer. This is when Heidi and Audrina bond and decide to let the past be the past and start hanging out again.

Meanwhile, on their date, Doug and Stephanie run into Brody's mother. Whoops! Cat out of the bag.


When Lauren gets back to LA, Lo and Audrina ask what the guys in Italy were like. She likens Italy to a large construction site with the guys cat-calling every two seconds. She then asks Lo and Audrina what she missed while away. They gave her all the sauce on Stephanie, and Audrina fessed up to hanging with Heidi (SHOCKING!).


What will happen next? Stephani and Doug together on the sly! Stephanie begs forgiveness! Heidi's mother shows up and confronts Heidi about Spencer and how he's ruined her relationship with the rest of the family! Stay tuned to watch what the assholes in the hills will do next. . .

The Hills Recap

HANGING IN THE HILLS

I've finally caught up with The Hills. This all anyone needs to know about the show up until the present:

• Spencer must be vying for the world's biggest douche award

• Heidi looks like she's made out of rubber

• Heidi's sister came to visit, which really pissed Spencer off

• Lauren and Stephanie are still buddies

• Stephanie had a birthday blow-out and invited Lauren. Spencer and Heidi showed up unexpectedly
  

• Spencer has disowned Stephanie

• My Sweet Audrina has befriended a bunch of musician-types from Epic Records who apparently dissed Lo at Audrina's bday party

• Lo is EVIL

• The Hills is edited more than Heidi's face - chop chop chop

• Heidi wants to hang with Stephanie and Lauren

• Whitney is now bi-coastal, living in NYC and LA, working for Kelly Cutrone

• Whitney is falling for one of the male models she meets in NYC. He's from California

• Whitney definitely needs her own show. Her life is so much more interesting than any of the other people's on the show

• Lauren is bored with boring-ass Doug and breaks it off

The Hills

RETURN TO LAGUNA BEACH

The Hills is quickly becoming Laguna Beach all over again. Not only is Lo back as a regular character, but now ex-douche bag, Stephen Colletti is guest appearing. On top of that, we have tension between Lauren, Lo, and Audrina in their new house. The Hills caught my attention because it focused on Lauren's career in fashion and her desire to shed all this high school drama.

Ass from the past, Stephen

Thankfully we didn't have to see much of ass hat, Spencer in this episode. His absence was replaced by Justin Bobby who walked around Lauren's housewarming party like he was some bad-ass biker. I almost didn't recognize him. He's shed his hippie look and is sporting a leather jacket, short hair, and a five-o'clock shadow. He's gorgeous, but such a silly prick that I vomit in my brain every time I see him on the show.

The best scene from the party was when someone presented the girls with a juicer as a housewarming gift and one of the girls (I don't remember who) said, "Oh, this is our third juicer!"

Stephanie (in her awesome outfit) getting bitched out by Heidi

One good thing about this episode was Stephanie Pratt's outfit. It was so pretty that it made me wish I was young with legs up to my shoulders so I could wear it. She was all dressed up to go to Lauren's party in a gossamer shirt and short shorts before Heidi guilt-tripped her into staying at her apartment to watch movies instead. I think Audrina and Stephanie should just tell Heidi and Lauren to piss off and hang out together instead.

*all photos from MTV.com

The Hills

TABLE FOR TOO MANY

No fashion fun on the Hills last night. It was all drama as Lauren, Audrina, Stephanie and Heidi wound up at the same table at a nightclub. Heidi said it was all water under the bridge, but Lauren couldn't let anything go and left in a huff.

Table o' drama

Audrina, who's done with all the drama, ran back to dickhead, Justin Bobby, for the umpteenth time. He was looking all modelesque in a black fedora. Later got props from Lauren for not burping in Audrina's face. Score!

Spencer, ever-the-douche, did his best to torment Heidi who stopped by the apartment looking for Stephanie. During her visit, Heidi was looking rather orange. I think she's been hitting the Mystic Tan a little too frequently lately.

Audrina considers a drama-free existence

At the end of the episode, Lauren, Lo, and Audrina had a very awkward lunch during which Lauren told Audrina that the three of them should get a house together. When Audrina didn't jump at the chance and kind of hemmed and hawed, Lauren and Lo exchanged such obvious "OMG" looks, it made ME uncomfortable. RUN AUDRINA! RUN!!

THE HILLS: HELLO DRAMA

I'm not going to go over a blow-by-blow of what happened on the double helping of The Hills last night, but I will make a list of things that stood out:

• I wanted to see what Lo gave Lauren for her birthday. Lauren obviously loved it, saying, "oh, it's so pretty" but the camera never panned down to focus on it.
  

• Spencer Pratt proved that he's the biggest douche bag in television history, possibly in history in general.
  

• What was that big, ugly piece of shit belonging to Spencer that Stephanie wanted out of her apartment?

I can't believe I'm related to that douche bag

• Kelly Cutrone's (Whitney's boss) list of rules for LA Fashion Week were hilarious. Definitely very Amanda Priestly:

1) Any concepts of 9-5 LA not happening here. I would plan to be here ever night until at least 11:00 0'clock
2) You're going to wear all black
3) I don't want to see I your boobs
4) I don't want to see any piercings
5) If you have any tattoos, I don't really care. I don't want to see them
6) Do not roll your eyes at me
7) Do not question what it is we are asking you to do
8) I'm not here to be your friend
9) Emily, you're not here to be their friend
10) We really care about ourselves more.

• Lauren said working under Kelly Cutrone at People's Republic would be her dream job.

All black is the strict dress code at People's Republic

• I LOVED Whitney's pale blue nail polish in the second episode.

• Why are Lauren and Stephanie always whispering in their computer class? They do have television cameras trained on them, after all.
  

• If I have to see Spencer give the fake "thumbs-up" one more time, I'm going to barf.

• I really wish Audrina would get a personality. Her eyes are dead a lot of the time.
  

• Whitney is da bomb.

• Heidi needs to be slapped. . . hard.

• I loved that song "Hello Drama" by Kaila Yu that they played in the middle of the second episode.