Tyyyrrraaaaaa Maaaaiiillll!!!!!!!!!!!

MODSTER MASH

Last night on ANTM, the girls' first challenge was to make ugly catalog clothes work even though they were too big. Paulina showed up, armed with a bunch of tools the girls could use to make their clothes fit better.

It was like fashion McGyver. The winner, which turned out to be McKey, got 50 extra frames in the photo shoot.

During the judging of this catolog challenge, timid Marjorie got teary and down on herself. Paulina said she was just acting European. This unfortunately seem to play into Marjorie's negative self-talk and back at the house, she became herself neurotic with all the self put downs.

On the photoshoot, the girls had to become "modsters" and act like giant monsters in 60s modwear during some sort of natural disaster in LA. Despite her negative attitude, Marjorie's photo came out lovely, after Mr. Jay had to bend her into place.

The biggest natural disasters this week were Joselyn, whose "slipping" and Clark, whose cockiness got the better of her. She forgot her natural disaster, which was... I forget! and instead, seemed really into her legs and treated her frames like an ad for panty hose. This mistake got her sent home, which surprised her after her number one shot that was digitally displayed in the house all week.


Tyra said Joselyn was saved due to her winning personality. I was a bit surprised myself that Clark left, but looking back at the episode and how flippant she was, I should have known she would be the one sent packing. Yay Joselyn!

Samantha won the photo of the week for creating a tidal wave of water with her foot while still looking gorgeous.

Tyyyrrraaaaaa Maaaaiiillll!!!!!!!!!!!

IT'S ALL IN THE EYES

It was an interesting ANTM last night for the reason that two girls were eliminated. First, Miss J. informs them of their next challenge, which is to catwalk down a bowling alley in bowling high heels. Hannah's walk was extremely stiff. which causes Miss Jay to say, "She walks almost like a crazy." He then does a hilarious imitation of her stiff strut


The second part of the challenge involves the girls walking for bitchy designer, Jeremy Scott. . . blindfolded. Jay Manuel shows up and makes it clear that Tyra's not fucking around. One of them would be eliminated immediately based on their shitty walk.

As Samantha practices her walk by flitting her dress around her hips, Jeremy Scott warns her not to walk like that. So what does she do? On the runway, she practically flips the dress over her head. Uh oh. Mr. Jeremy Scott is NOT pleased. He likens her walk to a combination of a truck driver and a stripper. But it's Hannah that's booted off for her nervous, stiff walk. I wasn't that sad to see her go. There is something rather irritating about her that's been emerging as the weeks go by.


Joslyn wins the challenge, which means she gets to choose two other models (she chooses Isis and Sheenah) to go on an editorial shoot for Seventeen Magazine to model for Kira Plastistina, a fifteen-year-old designer from Russia.

After the immediate booting of Hannah, the girls are freaking out back at the house. Oh my gawd, they're all so vulnerable! Annaleigh is damning herself before the next fashion shoot, despite getting a good review on the runway.

The next morning, the girls are woken by silver-haired Jay Manuel, wearing a "Mr. J" tee, sporty too-short shorts, and a whistle around his neck. He sits up in a life guard chair by the pool in the yard of their house and says they're going to be shot in the pool from the nose up so they have to be expressive with their eyes.


Then, . . . wait for it. . . Nigel Barker emerges up from out of the water with his camera. Aghhhhh! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


The girls all get wild eye makeup and are told to get down in the water. Joselyn fails to tell anyone that she doesn't know how to swim; Clark flirts with Nigel, saying that she's thinking of lying on a bed; Isis is nervous about wearing a bikini bottom and loses her fire in the water; Marjorie does some wild sea serpent poses; and Elina loses her mojo and gets "stuck."


In judging, Isis and Samantha are in the bottom two: Isis for her bad photo and Samantha for her disastrous runway walk. Despite being torn a new asshole by Jeremy Scott AGAIN (he's one of the judges on panel this week), it's Isis that's sent home for becoming invisible and losing it in the eyes.


The winner of this week's challenge is Clark. Runner-up is self-doubting Annaleigh.


Next week? Marjorie's insecurity drives everyone to distraction! Woo hoo!

Tyyyrrraaaaaa Maaaaiiillll!!!!!!!!!!!

MAKEOVER MADNESS !

It was makeover time on ANTM last night. And it really was madness. The girls walked into their house to find Tyra in their living room wearing a tiara and holding a wand. She asked the girls to start eating pizza that had been ordered and then told them the tale of how she and her mom re-structured her career as a Victoria Secret model because she had too much booty and boobie to be a high-fashion model.

Tyyyyraaaa Maaaiiillll!

Just as Tyra was about to tell Analeigh what her makeover would be, Ms. J. walked in dressed as an hunchback old woman with a cane. He handed Tyra an apple and said, "This apple will make you a Top Model forever" then walked away cackling. Tyra took a maniacal bite of the apple and fell into a deep princess coma.

Nothing Jay Manuel dressed in a Prince Charming outfit couldn't cure. Actually, he went by the name "Prince Couture" and he planted one on Tyra that made all the girls go "awwwww" and me go "what what??" It was a little-long winded, I thought. Exactly why this episode was so incredibly entertaining. The girls didn't get to see what they were going to have done until they wound up at the salon the next day. Some of the more interesting makeovers included:

• Marjorie, who had her hair dyed brown, which warmed her face up and made her look more like Amalie than before.
  

• Elina, who worried about getting someting out of her comfort zone. That's exactly what she got when they wove a very Karen-Elson-like red curly weave into her head. The wow factor was so great I had to rewind to see her after the transformation. She was upset by the transformation and said she didn't recognize herself.

• Samantha, who Tyra said looked like "any girl walking in a mall with plastic earrings on." They cut her hair off and give her the best haircut I've seen on Top Model in a long time. It's actually the haircut I wanted before I played it safe and only had a couple inches chopped off.

• Clark, who went dark, chocolate brown. She said she had brown hair now but she's still blonde on the indside.

• McKey, who had her red hair chopped off and dyed dark brown.

Later, the girls have a challenge at Walmart where they have 30 seconds to pitch Cover Girl TruBlend shade selector for makeup artist, Sutan and Crissy Barker, who also happens to be Nigel Barker's wife. The winner gets to be on the CoverGirl website and a Walmart gift certificate for $1000.

The best moment of the challenge was when Marjorie said, "Thank god for Walgreens." The winnder of the challenge was Hannah who got excited because now she can "Google" herself. Not like she couldn't google herself for being on ANTM?

They had a swimsuit shoot at a big spread in Malibu. The photographer is Russell James and the client is swimsuit designer, Susan Holmes. The two directed the photo shoot and had their "training wheels" removed, according to Jay Manuel. Hannah was asked to control her "psycho eyes" and Brittany was worried that she was too "pretty." In addition, Isis was nervous about moving, most likely due to the difference between her and the other girls and ended up seeming stiff. At judging, Elina "won" the photoshoot and Brittany was sent packing for being too vacant and "pretty." Go figure.

Tyyyrrraaaaaa Maaaaiiillll!!!!!!!!!!!

ANTM IS BACK!

The whole theme of the first hour of the two-hour premier of ANTM (back in LA) was Area 51/ Space Age/Aliens. The hopeful models were driven to a "top secret" airplane hanger-type building where they were met with the Js, dressed in silver space outfits. They referred to themselves as "Alpha J" and "Beta J." When they let the girls into the building, they (the girls - not the Js) appropriately screamed like a gaggle of geese on steroids.

Tyra: Because it's all about meeeeeeee.

Then they were directed toward a thing that looked like "The Orgasmatron" from Sleeper. It started to shake and out busted "Tyrabot." She talked in a robotic voice through lips slicked with silver lipgloss. Okay, I know she's totally full of herself, but her hair is slamming this season. Love the cut!

This cycle there are three Britneys. Brittnay #1 is a beautiful mix of races. She looks Indian, African American, and Middle Eastern. Martial-arts-loving Britney #2 renamed herself McKey. She's gorgeous, but needs something done with her red wig-like hair. Then there's Brittney #3 who renamed herself Sharaun. She walked around telling everyone, "I AM America's Next Top Model you just don't know it yet."

Sharaun

Marjorie from Marsailles is a cute blonde with the pixie haircut who reminds me so much of Amalie (the movie character) that it's hard for me to separate the two. Tyra tried to show off her French-speaking skills with her, but wound up looking like a jackass.

Another interesting girl is Isis. She's the transgender gal from Prince George's County (holla!) MD.
She was originally on last cycle's homeless photo shoot and had a face Tyra couldn't forget. Of course there were a bunch of girls who were *gasp* shocked by the news of Isis's true gender, but not Sheena from Harlem who likens herself to Kimora Lee Simmons. She's a likeable half-Japanese, half-Korean girl whose positive attitude is infectious.

Alina is the bi-sexual of the group who's already admitted to having a crush on tall, blonde Clark. Clark is the girl who keeps talking herself up as the biotch of the house. In her words she would "slap that man out of the house" referring to Isis. Yeah, she sounds crush-worthy.

Alina

The second hour of the show followed the girls as they were introduced to their new, posh LA pad repleat with photos of Tyra everywhere. That night when McKey decided to practice her boxing, Clark said, "Oh McKey, you are not right in the head." When Isis decided to go swimming in the new pool, Clark was shocked and badmouthed her to anyone in earshot.

Paulina P. is back as one of the judges as is delectable Nigel Barker. The girls' photoshoot revolved around issues that would affect voting come November. Each girl was to represent one of these issues. When Isis posed as "privacy" in a voting booth, a few of the bitches, headed up by Sharaun, made nasty comments to her through the booth wall. Despite their cattiness, Isis wound up with a great photo.

Isis

Clark, who was to represent "bureaucracy", didn't know what the word meant and ended up looking confused. Marjorie wound up with the judges' favorite picture. She represented immigration and looked very high-fashion and bent at all the right angles. The worst photo? Sheraun, who was thankfully sent packing. But not without breaking down on stage first. Oh, Sheraun. Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.

Marjorie

Overall, this season looks promising. Lots of interesting girls and more of Tyra's ego than ever!!

TYYYYYYYYYYYRA MAAAAAIIIIILLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EXIT MUSIC (FOR A MODEL)

Last night ANTM was all about music and pain. The girls got a lesson from Tyra in looking "pained" after she surprised them in a limo/taxi dressed as the chauffeur, and then gave them five words: "Go upstairs and get dressed."

The girls wound up in a dance studio dressed in red leotards while Tyra pulled out some of the most ridiculous histrionics I've ever seen her pull. She doubled over, faking acute pain to get all the girls worried and then did the TA-DA!-I'm-fine-but-this-is your-lesson thing that she does in every cycle. The girls then unwittingly competed in a "pain off" for the most injured look. Back at the house, it was announced over that inexcusable digital sign (I hate that thing - especially when they all read it aloud at the same time) that Anya was the queen of pain and had won the challenge.

Her prize? She was presented with a bed and Nigel Barker waiting with his Nikon to take nude photos for her portfolio. She gladly disrobed and posed for the Bark, who seemed rather pleased, I must say. In any case, it was a good thing it was Anya that won the challenge because she had the right attitude. They then cut to Aimee saying how she was glad she didn't win the challenge because she was raised to think of her body as a temple, blah, blah blah... Right then I knew she would be the one packing her bags and leaving the house o' pain.

While all this was happening, Dominique was pissing off everyone. There was some problem with her alarm clock that irked Claire, which in turn triggered a big brouhaha in the house, particularly at the dinner table. There was so much yelling, I wasn't sure what was happening, but at one point, Dominique told Lauren to "stay in her place," which prompted Lauren to stand up on her chair and yell, "You are f&*cking craaazy!!" I rewound this bit and watched it about three times.


Once I dried my eyes from laughing so hard, I focused on the screen to find Claire, Whitney, and Lauren sitting in the bedroom while Dominique was trying to sleep. They were talking openly about her as if she weren't even there. I have to say that although I like Claire and Lauren (Whitney annoys me), I was surprised by their behavior. Claire continued to taunt Dominique and act like a twelve year old after Dominique asked them to please leave. If Claire is voted Fan Favorite again this week, I'll be surprised.


The photo shoot was all about the music this week. Each girl had to pose as a performer in a specific musical genre. Lauren was disappointed that she had to be "pop," saying she didn't even know any songs by Britney Spears (doubt it, Lauren), but she pulled off a great shot, as expected. Claire took a crappy photo this week. She was assigned "country" and made it look a little too Marilyn Monroe for the judges. I didn't like Dominique's photo. She was supposed to portray a folk singer, but to me she looked a little angry/sexy rather than peaceful/ Peter Paul and Mary.


Katarzyna took a photo as an "emo" girl, and the judges liked her hair so much in it (she had on a short wig) that Tyra announced she'd be getting a haircut. Katarzyna didn't show much emotion when receiving this news, but then again she never does. Fortunately for her, she's gorgeous and takes beautiful photos.

In the end, Aimee was sent home. She was assigned "R and B" as her music genre and having so little experience finally caught up with her. She later said that R and B was big in her high school and she should have been able to pull it off. She was a sweet girl, but I think it was her time to go. She definitely lacked experience and any sort of edginess. And those bangs were awful.

In related news, OK Magazine has reported that Tyra is considering leaving America's Next Top Model because she's been fighting so much with Jay Manuel. Apparently, Mr. Jay is ungrateful for all of the exposure Tyra has given him. You can read more about it here. What kind of mail will we get if Tyra leaves? Naomi Mail? Kate Mail? Giselle Mail?

Also, there's an interesting interview with recently-booted, Marvita, here.

TYRA MAAIIIILLLLL!!!!!!


PERFECT 10: AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL KICKS OFF CYCLE TEN

Cycle Ten of America's Next Top Model commenced last night. The show opened with 35 girls on a school bus going to "Top Model Prep School" where they were met by Miss J (dressed as a stern-looking school master/mistress) and Jay Manuel. They were then greeted by Tyra dressed as homecoming queen, replete with running mascara, crooked tiara, and loads of ego (you know this will be on The Soup this week). The girls then had to complete assignments including catwalk, photo shoot, and judge interviews. Afterwards, they received report cards and those who "passed" moved on to the next level.

Of course while all this was going on, the histrionics were ensuing and there were girls already cussing each other out. A girl named Fatima, who was born in Somolia and who looks like Iman's younger twin, called a another African American girl "ghetto." This started a firestorm between Fatima and some of the girls, including Marvita who almost made it to the final 13 in the last cycle (but thanks to lots of therapy and God, she's now got it all together). Later, Fatima revealed that she had been circumcised. Her announcement commenced the weeping, hugging and forgiving. . . that is until Marvita asked if it made her feel like "less of a woman."

The drama has begun! Looks like lots of hissy fits, crying, eye rolling, and bad runway walks are ahead. YAY, ANTM!!

On a side note, there were a few girls who stood out right away to me:

Immediately, I identified with Lauren - - the pale, geeky, arty, awkward girl who marches to the beat of her own drum. Love her! She also reminds me of Martha Plimpton. Lauren has terrible posture and walks like there are invisible cobblestones beneath her heels, making her that much more likable. You know by the end of the show, she'll be "fierce."




Claire is a punky mother from New York that defies the "mom" look and possesses that exotic "model" look.








Amy (also known as Amis) is the clone of Lisa from Cycle 5. I wonder if it could be possible that they're NOT related? I suppose we'll know for sure if Amy starts drinking and talking to potted plants.