Tyyyrrraaaaaa Maaaaiiillll!!!!!!!!!!!

MODSTER MASH

Last night on ANTM, the girls' first challenge was to make ugly catalog clothes work even though they were too big. Paulina showed up, armed with a bunch of tools the girls could use to make their clothes fit better.

It was like fashion McGyver. The winner, which turned out to be McKey, got 50 extra frames in the photo shoot.

During the judging of this catolog challenge, timid Marjorie got teary and down on herself. Paulina said she was just acting European. This unfortunately seem to play into Marjorie's negative self-talk and back at the house, she became herself neurotic with all the self put downs.

On the photoshoot, the girls had to become "modsters" and act like giant monsters in 60s modwear during some sort of natural disaster in LA. Despite her negative attitude, Marjorie's photo came out lovely, after Mr. Jay had to bend her into place.

The biggest natural disasters this week were Joselyn, whose "slipping" and Clark, whose cockiness got the better of her. She forgot her natural disaster, which was... I forget! and instead, seemed really into her legs and treated her frames like an ad for panty hose. This mistake got her sent home, which surprised her after her number one shot that was digitally displayed in the house all week.


Tyra said Joselyn was saved due to her winning personality. I was a bit surprised myself that Clark left, but looking back at the episode and how flippant she was, I should have known she would be the one sent packing. Yay Joselyn!

Samantha won the photo of the week for creating a tidal wave of water with her foot while still looking gorgeous.

Tyyyrrraaaaaa Maaaaiiillll!!!!!!!!!!!

FULL OF HOT AIR

Before I start critiquing last night's episode of ANTM, I'd like to say that the new music intro to the show is so Tyra-esque it's obnoxious. And what about the new photo that accompanies the Tyyyrrraaaaaa Maaaaaiiilllllll. She certainly fits herself in wherever she can. No surprise there.

Tyyyrraaaaa Maaaaillll!!!!

Anyway, the girls were given their posing lesson from Benny Ninja last night along with a model who had twisted herself into a knot. The girls' posing ability was based on how well they could twist themselves into a pretzel while hanging inside a giant red fishnet stocking suspended from the ceiling.

They then went on a challenge where they had to pose with Tarina Tarantino accessories in a creative and dramatic fashion. Hannah tried to hang the purse she was supposed to model in the chandelier and then stared lovingly at it. Sheena thought she had everyone beat when she tried to eat one of Tarina's handbags with her crotch. Nikeyesha told Tarina that if she peed it was her fault because she had to go so bad.

Back at the house, there was drama when Hannah was accused of being racist by some of the girls of color. Blah blah blah. This kind of thing is getting old on this show, no?

The photo shoot this week was supposed to have captured the girls suspended from a ladder hanging from a hot air balloon. Unfortunately for the photographers, the wind was a problem and they had to Photoshop the ladder onto the balloon. Lauren Brie's photo is one of the best photos in ANTM history, according to Tyra, who I agree with. The girl looks like she's in Vogue and hence got to have her photo up in the house for the week. Other runners-up for getting their photo digitized were Elina and Marjorie.


Sheena gripped the ladder with her ass cheeks and took "hootchie" to a higher level, literally. Paulina asked her if she had breast implants, but she denied it only later to come forward and say that she did indeed have her fun bags enhanced and she wasn't ashamed to admit it. Tyra loved this, of course, and so she was kept in the running, which seemed to surprise her.

It was Isis and Nikeyesha in the bottom two this week. Isis was criticized for "losing her face" when she posed and Nikeyesha for not knowing when to shut up. In the end Nikeyesha was sent packing, and talked her way off the runway and out of the episode.


Next week? MAAAAAKKEEE OVVVVVEERRRRRRSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tyyyrrraaaaaa Maaaaiiillll!!!!!!!!!!!

ANTM IS BACK!

The whole theme of the first hour of the two-hour premier of ANTM (back in LA) was Area 51/ Space Age/Aliens. The hopeful models were driven to a "top secret" airplane hanger-type building where they were met with the Js, dressed in silver space outfits. They referred to themselves as "Alpha J" and "Beta J." When they let the girls into the building, they (the girls - not the Js) appropriately screamed like a gaggle of geese on steroids.

Tyra: Because it's all about meeeeeeee.

Then they were directed toward a thing that looked like "The Orgasmatron" from Sleeper. It started to shake and out busted "Tyrabot." She talked in a robotic voice through lips slicked with silver lipgloss. Okay, I know she's totally full of herself, but her hair is slamming this season. Love the cut!

This cycle there are three Britneys. Brittnay #1 is a beautiful mix of races. She looks Indian, African American, and Middle Eastern. Martial-arts-loving Britney #2 renamed herself McKey. She's gorgeous, but needs something done with her red wig-like hair. Then there's Brittney #3 who renamed herself Sharaun. She walked around telling everyone, "I AM America's Next Top Model you just don't know it yet."

Sharaun

Marjorie from Marsailles is a cute blonde with the pixie haircut who reminds me so much of Amalie (the movie character) that it's hard for me to separate the two. Tyra tried to show off her French-speaking skills with her, but wound up looking like a jackass.

Another interesting girl is Isis. She's the transgender gal from Prince George's County (holla!) MD.
She was originally on last cycle's homeless photo shoot and had a face Tyra couldn't forget. Of course there were a bunch of girls who were *gasp* shocked by the news of Isis's true gender, but not Sheena from Harlem who likens herself to Kimora Lee Simmons. She's a likeable half-Japanese, half-Korean girl whose positive attitude is infectious.

Alina is the bi-sexual of the group who's already admitted to having a crush on tall, blonde Clark. Clark is the girl who keeps talking herself up as the biotch of the house. In her words she would "slap that man out of the house" referring to Isis. Yeah, she sounds crush-worthy.

Alina

The second hour of the show followed the girls as they were introduced to their new, posh LA pad repleat with photos of Tyra everywhere. That night when McKey decided to practice her boxing, Clark said, "Oh McKey, you are not right in the head." When Isis decided to go swimming in the new pool, Clark was shocked and badmouthed her to anyone in earshot.

Paulina P. is back as one of the judges as is delectable Nigel Barker. The girls' photoshoot revolved around issues that would affect voting come November. Each girl was to represent one of these issues. When Isis posed as "privacy" in a voting booth, a few of the bitches, headed up by Sharaun, made nasty comments to her through the booth wall. Despite their cattiness, Isis wound up with a great photo.

Isis

Clark, who was to represent "bureaucracy", didn't know what the word meant and ended up looking confused. Marjorie wound up with the judges' favorite picture. She represented immigration and looked very high-fashion and bent at all the right angles. The worst photo? Sheraun, who was thankfully sent packing. But not without breaking down on stage first. Oh, Sheraun. Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.

Marjorie

Overall, this season looks promising. Lots of interesting girls and more of Tyra's ego than ever!!

Tyyyyyyraaa Maaaaiiiillll!!!!!!!

I TURN MY CAMERA ON

On last night's episode of America's Next Top Model, the girls were asked to go behind the camera and take photos of Paulina. Fatima won the challenge for knowing exactly how she wanted Paulina to pose while being very polite at the same time. Whitney came in at a close second for being straightforward and decisive. Anya, on the other hand, was all over the place not sure of what she wanted Paulina to do. Same with Dominique whose photos ended up depicting Paulina wearing various "cactus hats" because she kept shooting her in front of cactai.

Fatima won 50 extra frames on her photo shoot this week, which was "starlet being caught by the paparazzi with mystery man." Despite her challenge win, Fatima needed those extra frames because she had trouble following direction on the shoot. Her best shot did look pretty, but not at all "surprised" by the paps. Anya looked stunning in her shot and a lot like a movie star thus she was called first this week. Whitney did well also and was called second. Again, she was criticized for being a little to "posey" and not using enough of her "va va va voom." Wasn't she cricized last week for using too much of her va va va voom?


It was Fatima and Dominique who ended up in the bottom two this week. Nigel pointed out that due to her deep angles and not being the softest of the bunch Dominique might not be the best candidate to promote Cover Girl makeup. This prompted Miss J. to say, "that's why it's called Cover Girl because it covers up the man in you." So it was Dominique who was sent packing. I must say that despite all her "blah blah blah" this season, she left with poise and dignity.

So that's it. One down, three two go. Put your bets in now: Who will be "on top"?

Tyyyyyyraaa Maaaaaiiiilll!!!!

GET READY FOR TAKE-OFF

During last night's episode of ANTM, Fatima was almost booted from the competition because she didn't have a "travel document" she needed. The girls are getting ready to go abroad and she realizes this just now? The last-minute crunch at the consulate almost cost her the competition because it caused her to miss this week's photo shoot.

Meanwhile Lauren almost lost her thumb while cutting an onion. This prompted both Whitney and Tyra to seriously question Lauren's intelligence. Whitney, oh queen of snotty comments, made some bitchy remark like, "Who doesn't know how to cut an onion?" Later, Tyra gave Lauren a condescending lesson on how to hold your hand when you cut.

The girls had to work a party for 7-Up (which was stressed as being all-natural now) and schmooze it up with a bunch of industry people. Lauren proved to be quite social and even chatted up Paulina's hubby, Ric O'casick, about music. But Anya was the winner of the competition and won a cool ten grand and a shoot in the nude again - this time for 7-Up.

The girls then went on my favorite photo shoot of the season so far. They had to run to catch a plane parked on the tarmac, holding retro-looking luggage and dressed in old-school glam outfits. Anya worked it, looking like a 1940s pin-up girl. And Lauren looked stunning - all legs and gorgeous pout. Whitney was criticized for looking too much like a pageant queen and almost found herself in the bottom two.

But alas, it was Fatima and Stacey Ann who found themselves in the bottom of the barrel. Fatima was criticized for not having her shit together and missing the shoot, and Stacey Ann was told she generally wasn't cutting the mustard. The judges felt she had "plateaued" and didn't have much model mojo left in her so she was sent packing. This left Fatima and the rest packed up and boarding to Rome.